


Buying the Pie

by Jadeaffection



Series: Blatantly Using the Career of Ryan Reynolds as Title Inspiration [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Humor, Banter, Crossdressing, Explicit Language, Food, Innuendo, M/M, Pre-Slash, Romantic Comedy, Slash, Suggestive Themes, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-17
Updated: 2011-07-17
Packaged: 2017-10-21 11:51:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/224891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadeaffection/pseuds/Jadeaffection
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baked goods really can soften the discovery of your heretofore unknown feelings for an angel in front of your sexed-up brother and his new archangel "boyfriend"!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Buying the Pie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Krystalicekitsu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krystalicekitsu/gifts).



> A/N: Continuation of "Two Idiots, a Guy and a Piece of Pie ( Cas)" and therefore second in my "Blatantly Using the Career of Ryan Reynolds as Title Inspiration" series.
> 
> Happy Birthday Krystalicekitsu ! It's a bit early but I hope you enjoy it. xx
> 
> Warnings:Coarse language ('cause Sam *le gasp* has a potty mouth), sexual references, allusions to cross-dressing, ridiculous pet-names and patented Sammy!Angst.
> 
> Spoilers: Anything up to 5.08 is fair game

‘Well, Sugarlips, what do you feel like? I’m in the mood for cheesecake but sex does that to me, which I’m sure you’ll learn soon enough. Now…Why the pout Honeybunch?’

There were several reactions that occurred simultaneously when Gabriel snapped himself and Dean into the booth where Sam and Castiel were enjoying some, frankly marvellous, blueberry pie that had possibly justified the adverted WWIII.

The other customers at the diner didn’t react. Not even an eyebrow raise. Like there were always four people at Sam’s table. And that the fact that one of them was less than half dressed was the most natural thing in the world. Sam envied them their ignorance.

The poor waitress just looked extra harried and slightly guilty as she rushed over to pour the archangel and Dean coffee, obviously concerned that she had missed them out. Again no reaction to the nudity. Just a hasty smile and a blush at Gabriel’s flirting. Sam made a mental note to increase her tip.

Cas, who, like Sam, had been privy to the sudden arrival, noticed that he was now sitting beside Sam when he had been across from him and was quite aware of the state of undress of one of their new companions, went through numerous emotions. From surprise to confusion, amusement (obviously at Dean’s expense) to contemplation and even a little embarrassment. His face, however, finally settled on _pissy_ , like someone had just taken a dump on his pie.

Sam was going to try to figure out that emotional response later (along with working out how he came to be able to read Castiel so easily).

Dean reaction was priceless. The archangel did have style and a wicked sense of humor. Sam had to give him that. Even if most of the time Gabriel’s pranks made Sam want to tear his hair out.

There was something immensely satisfying in seeing Dean sitting there, in a obvious post-coital haze, bewildered and trying to decide if he should be concerned about his new nicknames or furious about being zapped to the diner wearing nothing but sex-hair, Batman™ boxer shorts and one threadbare sock.

The resulting pout was adorable, in an I-need-to-take-a-picture-so-I-can blackmail-you-forever-for being-such-a-pretty-pretty-girl kind of way.

As for Sam’s response, well, it was two tiered.

On one hand, this was shaping up to be a bountiful day for arsenal in the never-ending Winchester sibling-“bonding” smackdown.

And on the other, their stupidly stupid, fatheaded, loser-faced, ass-wipe older brothers had just ruined the _awesome_ alone time he was having with Cas.

Just why he wanted alone time with Castiel (and why the fact that it had stopped had turned him into a tantrum throwing five year old) he really didn’t know. At all.

Fuck his life. Right in the face.

It wasn’t that Sam was complaining. Except it sort of was.

And really, why shouldn’t he complain. Life after the prevention of the apocalypse was supposed to get easier. Not exponentially harder.

Ok, so maybe it wasn’t harder. He hadn’t almost been killed this week, which was always a plus. But it was defiantly more frustrating and easily more confusing.

First, he had Dean and Gabriel dancing around each other, filling the air around them with so much UST Sam had been surprised that everyone in a three-mile radius hadn’t started dry humping the nearest warm body.

And now that they had actually pulled their heads out of their asses he wasn’t really sure he was going to like living with them any more than he had before.

As annoying as the arguing, one-upmanship and thinly veiled sexual innuendo had been, PDA’s, inappropriate groping and lover’s quarrels were going to be just as bad.

Add on to that the uncomfortable revelation that, yeah, he kinda liked hanging with Cas and yeah, he might have just noticed how blue Castiel’s eyes were and so ok maybe he knew more about how to read the angel’s moods than Dean now (suck on that profound bond).

And, now he thought about it, Sam did know why he felt like someone had just murdered a bus full of orphaned kittens in his name.

When the hell had he become as oblivious as his _brother_? How, for the love of all that was pure, had he allowed _that_ to happen?

Sam was crushing on an angel. Badly. An angel who was totally clueless about humans, had mentioned on several occasions how much he valued their friendship and, as far as Sam could tell, didn’t receive messages from his downstairs brain and would have no idea what to do about it if he did.

He might have said it before, but really, Sam thought it worth repeating… _Fuck his life_!

‘Gabriel!’ Dean, not at all manfully and Sam will, at some point, emerge from this funk and therefore must remember that important fact, squeaked.

Sam looked up from his pie, immediately wishing he hadn’t, to see the archangel kissing down his brother’s neck, obviously in an attempt to remove the pout.

It had worked. It had also caused Dean to blush more than Sam had ever seen.

Of course, that could have been because of what Gabriel was doing with his hands. Thankfully, he couldn’t tell for sure.

Sam wanted to give the person who created Laminex tabletops a hug. He wasn’t sure there would have been enough brain bleach in the world. And he really wasn’t in the mood to try and gorge his eyes out with a spork.

Gabriel then whispered something into Dean’s ear. Sam could make several guesses at what was said but he would never truly know. Whatever it was, it made Dean smile, slow and content, and lean his head to give Gabriel more access to his neck.

It was so very, very sappy and Sam wanted to start cataloging all the ways he could use it against his brother. He really did. However, seeing Dean happy, actually _happy_ , after everything that they had been thorough was sort of amazing.

And he’d never admit it but he really wanted to cuddle Gabriel for causing it.

 _Sam Winchester_ , he thought to himself, _you are a marshmallow!_

And he was quite content to wallow in the sweet sticky gooeyness of the whole thing, his own inner turmoil be damned, because he actually _was_ , as it turned out, a huge girl.

At least until he caught sight of Cas out of the corner of his eye.

Cas, who was glaring at the couple with his eyes narrowed and annoyance written all over his face.

And Sam finally got it. Finally understood Castiel’s odd reaction to Dean and Gabriel. God, for the smart one he was sure as hell slow sometimes. The eye-sex, the loyalty, the “profound bond”. It all made complete sense.

Now seemed to be a good time for Sam to introduce his forehead to the table. So he did, allowing the coolness to ease the realization that Cas was in love with Dean and that Sam would die alone, probably with his cat whom, he’s sure, will be called Mittens or Tiddles.

Maybe the cat would eat his face before anyone found him.

Sam’s pity party was ruined by Castiel’s husky voice chastising Gabriel. He hated that his body had such a strong reaction to the deep timbre of the angel’s speech but he was unable to stop himself from sitting up straight and giving his full attention to Cas.

‘Gabriel, will you please cease your actions this second. This is an inappropriate place for such things.’

Awkward pause as the waitress arrived at their booth, delivering baked goods.

‘Can you not see that you are making Sam uncomfortable and causing all of us embarrassment? And surely Dean would feel better at ease if he were more suitably clothed?’

Gabriel for his part listened attentively, shoveling his newly acquired passionfruit and white chocolate cheesecake into his mouth while taking the plate of peach cobbler the waitress was holding and placing it in front of Dean. Sam didn’t even remember them ordering.

Then Gabriel broke out into a face that clearly translated into “What the hell did I ever do to deserve this? Am I honestly the only one in my family who is not mentally defective? I would rather roll naked in broken glass or lick Bobby’s underwear but it seems that I am yet again going to have to explain it slowly and in the most of basic terms for one of the moronic simpletons. The things I put up with just because I love the stupid son of a bitch!”

Sam was _very_ familiar with that face. He had seen it in a mirror enough times.

‘Cassy, untwist your panties. And while you’re fiddling around down there you should perhaps remove your head from your butt.’

Gabriel’s eyes turned appraising; staring into Castiel’s as if he could see more than that unearthly blue. Which Sam realized he could.

‘Or maybe you already have, huh? Interesting. Very interesting. Just don’t tell me I need to have “The Talk” with you? Well I guess if it comes down to it, Dean could do it. He is very knowledgeable in that area, as I’ve recently found out. Skilled too. If you know what I mean.’

Gabriel leer was counterpointed perfectly by Dean’s blush. Oh, Sam was going to refer back to this day for _years_ to come.

Castiel’s head tilt would have been almost comical, you know, if Sam wasn’t busy being scorned, dejected, disturbed and confused as hell by this conversation. He wasn’t a woman, despite Dean’s accusations, and there was only so much multitasking he could do.

‘As for you Kiddo’, Gabriel continued, turning towards Sam, oblivious to the cheesecake crumbs falling out of his mouth. ‘Your emo-angst is filling up the place. It is suffocating! Stop being so melodramatic. I’m still riding high on sex-endorphins and you’re harshing my bliss. Man up!’

Dean wasn’t the only one blushing now. Although he was the only one with a mouthful of cobbler and an archangel that seemed to be surgically attached to his side.

‘And do you really think these saps have any idea what’s going on at this booth?’

Gabriel stood up, gestured around to the oblivious diner patrons, making “Nyah, nyah” noises and sticking his tongue out. It is also quite possible he mooned them but Sam is finding that part of his memory gloriously blank and fuzzy.

He sat back down dramatically, obviously pleased that he had made his point.

‘Hello! Trickster! Or you know, some reasonable facsimile of. As far as they know, Deano and I entered through the door, joined you guys and we are now all having a wonderful time together. There is much laughter and joyfulness. It is all very wholesome. And, of course, to them, Dean’s sporting lovely, long, auburn curls and a pretty green sundress.’

‘WHAT!’

‘Settle Princess. You look very beautiful. In fact, that elderly couple over there think we make a lovely pair. They think it’s cute we’re holding hands.’

‘Listen here Chuckles, I’ve put up with a lot of things from you and maybe I’ve been a little… off balance for this whole conversation but if you think I’m going to just lie down and take it while you parade me around dressed like a chick, you’ve got anoommm…’

Gabriel shut Dean up with a kiss that promised so much that even Sam’s toes curled a little. Then the archangel pulled back with a smirk.

‘I don’t think that you just lie down and take _anything_. That’s why I like you. Well, that and how hot your legs look in that dress with those heels.’

Dean’s laughter was bright and sparkling and it reflected in his eyes. Sam wouldn’t deny his brother keeping that happiness for anything.

Even if it meant leaping across the table and throwing himself between the former trickster and the little angel who could. Which he may have to do sooner than he would like considering the scowl Cas was throwing at his older brother.

Not that he blamed Castiel really. He’d stop him from harming the archangel of course, to preserve Dean’s newfound relationship with Gabriel (and wasn‘t that an unsettling sentence) but it couldn’t be easy watching the one you love swooning over someone else.

Not that Sam would know or anything. Don’t look at him like that!

Luckily, Sam didn’t have to physically prevent a smiting because, when Gabriel lent back in to kiss chastely and playfully at Dean’s mouth, Cas _exploded_ in a completely different and unpredicted way.

‘I SAID PLEASE CEASE YOUR ACTIONS AND I MEANT IT! DO NOT MAKE ME SAY IT AGAIN!’

All three of them turned wide eyes on Castiel. This was new. Cas _didn’t_ raise his voice. He glared, he head tilted, he was a world champion at I’m-not-angry-I’m-just-disappointed sad eyes and, when particularly upset, could do low and threatening better than anyone.

Sam would be ashamed at how sexy he found the angel’s ominous voice. You know, if he had any energy left after this emotionally draining day to waste on shame.

But the point was that Castiel didn’t do shouting. Except, apparently, when he did.

The others couldn’t do anything but gape as Castiel closed his eyes and seemed to take a breath to steady himself. Opening them again, he turned his blue eyes on Gabriel and the _pleading_ in them was almost audible.

‘Brother, must you turn everything into a spectacle? I was enjoying my time with Sam very much. The pie was quite remarkably good and the company more so.’

Sam had never seen Castiel blush before. It was rather fetching.

‘Will you please allow us to finish our afternoon in peace? Your antics are draining for others, both physically and mentally, and I do not like their effects on Sam’s wellbeing. Besides, taking into consideration the newness of your carnal relations with Dean, I am given to believe that you will have little difficulty in finding other activities in which to engage… if you know what I mean.’

Gabriel’s smirk took up his whole face. Sam couldn’t help but spot Dean noticing and note the corresponding smile it elicited. The archangel laughed.

‘You just tried innuendo didn’t you little bro? I am so proud. Honestly, I almost shed a tear. I might actually be able to do something with you after all. And here I was thinking that that stick was so firmly lodged up there it would take a miracle to remove it. But then again, miracle thy name is Winchester.’

It was at this point that Castiel might have actually _growled_ at Gabriel.

‘Oh, right, your “alone time” with Sammy here. We’ll just leave you to it then, shall we? Cheesecake’s done so I guess it’s about time for round… what were we up to Sweetness? Four? Five? Anyway, let’s get back to the motel room Cupcake and I’ll let you wear those heels for real.’

With a snap they were gone before Dean had the chance to respond to that but Sam could tell his rejoinder was going to contain a few choice words.

Sam was also going to call his brother Cupcake for as long as he could get away with it without being punched in the face.

And yes, Sam was going to focus on Dean’s humiliation right now, because thinking about the fact that Castiel had basically admitted to enjoying their time together and alluded that he might actually like Sam was a little terrifying. He was also a little worried his brain might explode if he tried to comprehend it.

So he sat there, planning the future emotional warfare against his brother, enjoying the easy conversation between him and Cas, the warmth of a firm thigh against his own and being quietly thrilled when the angel ordered them another slice of pie to share.

And if Castiel never moved back to his own side of the booth, well, that was perfectly fine by Sam.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N 2: Like this story or any of my others? Well, I'm offering commissions of a sort... I'm participating in the 40hr famine and am willing to write oneshot fics based on your prompts for anyone who sponsors me. You can find the details here ~ http://jadeaffection.livejournal.com/20375.html ! And the prompts don't just have to be for things I've previously written... check out my interests and list of ships on my LJ profile for ideas.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or anything else you might have recognised in this story... sucks to be me!


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